Roller coaster

On Monday Alexa had a really bad day. She would cry and cry if you moved her in any way. I would just sit and hold her and try to not move. She had the look of pain on her face all day. They would give her tylenol but that never seemed to do justice. I felt so helpless and tried to console the only way I knew how. I just loved her. At about 4pm they wheeled her down to radiology to put a picc line in her arm so that they could take the central IV line out of her jugular. They had to put her under to do this and also do it under xray because her veins are so little. When she gets morphine or sedated and in a deep sleep her heart does weird rhythmic patterns. So they had an EKG done when she got back up to her room. She stayed asleep after that and made me feel so much better. After talking with Bruce who had had a bad day as well trying to work and deal with the girls we had decided I would come home for 2 days and fly back on Friday. After talking to the cardiologist to make sure this would be okay if I left, which she assured me it would be fine I went back to the hotel and booked my plane ticket.
On Tuesday I got up earlier so that I could spend 2 hours with Alexa before I left. When I got to her room I noticed that her chest tubes where out. This kind of freaked me out because I know her chest fluid output was still high and I couldn't figure out why they would take them out. When the nurse got to the room I asked her. She had said the night nurse had picked up Alexa and heard a gush of air. Her chest tubes had worked themselves out and that totally explained why she was in so much pain the day before. They took the tubes out and she had been super content the rest of the night. They will probably put another chest tube in her back to let the drainage out. I held her for an hour which was pure heaven. She would just lay there and stare at me with her big blue eyes. It melted my heart. At 9:35am she had an echo done. She held my finger and I stroked her hair until she feel asleep. I had to leave at 9:55am to catch my taxi to the airport. Just as I pull up to the airport I got a phone call from the cardiologist. They had found that she has numerous blood clots in and around her heart and one big one at the end of her picc line. She had suggested doing a high dosage blood thinning medication to help break down the blood clots. This is very risky but necessary as at any time those blood clots could dislodge and go to her lungs. I went into the womens bathroom and cried. I called Bruce to tell him the news and he told his boss he was done working for the day. I cried the whole flight home. Praying that my last memory of my baby was not me holding her that morning staring into her eyes. Around 5pm the Dr. called and said that she had discussed the situation with a neurologist and also a hematologist (i think) about the situation because she still had blood in her head from the birth. They decided not to do the high dosage blood thinner but the lowest and centralize the thinning agent straight through her picc line since that is where the biggest clot was.
I called the nurse this morning at 5am to see how she was through the night. She said she had done really well and they are drawing blood every 4 hours to run labs. She had been pretty fussy around 10pm so they gave her a dose of morphine and she had slept all night. Looking forward to good news today. Yesterday was so emotionally draining I can't handle any more bad news.