Sick Baby

On Wednesday we went to visit Alexa at the hospital. She was in a rocking bed. They typically put sick babies in these soothing beds. Babies that are going through withdrawal from mother's who had a drug problem. She herself seemed drugged sleeping in this bed. Her eyes kept rolling in the back of her head. She just didn't seem like herself. Of course this was bothersome to Bruce and I, but she had just had a big day the day before. The airplane ride, being off feeds for almost 4 hours and starving from the transfer, new formula and meds, new place, new nurses and Mom and Dad not being around as much. I called the next morning to see how she was doing since it was Thanksgiving and we wouldn't be up to the hospital until afternoon. The nurse informed me that her chest tube fell out during the night. This really pissed me off. Why you ask?? I will tell you why. Although her drainage was going down it hasn't completely stopped. They are monitoring it through x-ray everyday to make sure of that BUT if the drainage builds up I'm not sure how they will drain the fluid because she is on blood thinners. They may not be able to just put in another chest tube. Thankfully, we haven't had to address this issue yet. So far she has not had any drainage. We went up to see her around 5pm on Thanksgiving and she was much more alert and more herself. The nurse had changed her out of the rocking bed and put her in a crib with a mobile. Cala held her first then me then Bruce. We didn't stay long because Sienna was with us so we only lasted about an hour. After we left she had reach her breaking point and melted down. She freaked out so bad the nurse could not console her in any way. She was so worried about Alexa. Apparently she had a really rough night. They finally came to the conclusion that Alexa is having morphine withdrawals and is addicted. Rightfully so being that she has been on morphine since the day she was born. I went in this morning to spend some quality time with her without Bruce and the girls. This is when the nurse briefed me in on what happened after we left and how her night went. She decided that Alexa was over stimulated and had reached her breaking point. She took down the mobile and we decided that the less stimulation the better since she is so sick. They are having to wing her of the morphine which includes a regimen of finding out what her capture point or happy medium of how much morphine she needs. They are giving her morphine every 8 hours for now to find out how often she needs it and then lesson or increase until they find that point. Right now she gets very aggravated easily and throws up from the withdrawals. If she is moved in any way especially after having her diaper changed she throws up. Once they find the capture point they will slowly wing her of the morphine which could take weeks. Then we can work on her feeding. So it looks as though Alexa will be in the NICU for a while. We are now really hoping to have our baby home by Christmas. I feel so helpless at times. I couldn't help but cry to watch my baby be so sick and need the morphine. That any little movement I made would make her throw up. I just have to keep taking each day one day at a time and try to not let it catch up to me. I'm still waiting for my final breaking point as well. It almost feels at times like I haven't even had a baby. She is suppose to be with us in our house. Me changing her diapers, me giving her her baths, me nursing her to sleep, me cuddling her throughout the day. My room has a void in it that won't be filled until she gets home. I miss my baby!